I'm beginning to realize that I have lost my childhood. I had to grow up and deal with the hardships of the world when I should have been able to enjoy life as a child. My mother was abused as a child, and as a result, her emotions are completely unstable. She was a single parent, and as the middle child of three children, I didn't receive the initial attention that my older brother received or the special attention that my younger sister received. The combination of being a middle child in a single parent household and trying to live a normal life with a bipolar mother meant that I had to grow up fast. I don't think I have any nostalgic childhood memories. My mother moved me from school to school, and I was overweight, which hurt my confidence, and these two things together kept me from interacting with other people my age.

So, I have missed the experience of a normal childhood. And now, I want it back. I'm sick of being the strong one all of the time, the person who can handle anything and not get upset. But is it too late for that? I'm in college now, and the rest of the world is starting to expect me to be the way that I've been for so long. Growing up fast has lead me to some amazing things, but I don't know if I can continue on like this anymore. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, and have a different childhood.

But maybe it's not too late. That's what I have to hope. Maybe it's possible to be an adult and still be innocent. Maybe growing up doesn't have to mean something opposite of being a child.